Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
