In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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