someone threw a dead crab at me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
