M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
