I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sarcasm needs its own font
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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