Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sick fucks of a feather flock together
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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