He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
