Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..

Fav 9 1742 840
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(480): View more from Arizona

They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."

Fav 43 2049 7081
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(941): View more from Florida

Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

Fav 11 1268 4495
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(260): View more from Indiana

I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

Fav 27 1826 4391
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.

Fav 16 1296 2307
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(410): View more from Maryland

I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house

Fav 5 1988 1030
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(630): View more from Illinois

I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

Fav 6 1191 1386
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(408): View more from California

I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.

Fav 5 1095 828
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.

Fav 0 69 5
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