Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
