I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
