another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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