I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
