Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
