remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
