If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
