It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
