I can tuck mytits in my pants
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
