Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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