she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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