Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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