I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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