woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
