1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
