definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
