My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
