I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
