What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
