I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
should my penis look like a turkey
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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