I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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