Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
