somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
