Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
