worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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