best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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