he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
