She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
