I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
