i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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