Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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