You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize