I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
