Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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