remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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