The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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