Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
