Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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