Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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