I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
