The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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