I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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