We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
