I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize