Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
