I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
