there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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