Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
