Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
