Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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