On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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