Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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