Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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