my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
