I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
