got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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