Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
