Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
