You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize